OH... burger? (Oyster House)

You know what's a really dumb name for a burger? "OH." While I realize that it's nothing more than an abbreviation for Oyster House, in my head I kept reading it as "oh... burger." See how demented that looks? Whatever, stupid names and awesome food are not mutually exclusive things. Anyway, if you've been reading my blog for a while, surely you know I have a somewhat mild shellfish allergy. You might be saying "why the fuck would someone with a seafood allergy eat a burger that has fried oyster as a topping? You must be a huge dumbass." Well jokes on you. I know that already. But like I said over on AHT, this burger has quite a reputation as a winner. Who cares if I have to sacrifice my health to review it? Remember people... "life isn't about how many breaths you take, it's about how many times you have your breath taken away." What better way than to have a swollen itchy throat and arms full of hives?!? Correct answer - there is none.

If you didn't read my post over on Serious Eats - you should. That shit takes me a long time to write yo - here's a quick rundown on the "oh... burger": Moderately awesome buttery sweet bread, completely intoxicating mesh work of finely cut beef, mush of fried batter and shellfish, and giant pile of sock-smelling bleu cheese. Yep. As you can tell, there were things I absolutely adored about the sandwich as well as constructional elements I definitely questioned. As I explained in my other post... what ruined this burger for me wasn't the fact that I was developing hives or that my throat was itchy... it was the fact that the bleu cheese overpowered all the other elements. It was the fact that while the patty was texturally perfect and remarkably flavored... there was a squishy little oyster that sat on top all useless-like.



This post would be pretty dumb if I just rehashed what I already said, so instead... I'm going to complain about superfluous toppings in burgers.

I am a prototypical Asian person. I like to get value with my burger. What better way to get value than to stack costly oysters and bleu cheese on top of an otherwise plainly constructed burger? From a fiscal standpoint, it makes much more sense to get more expensive toppings than to get something plain. This is not a phenomenon unique to Asians. I feel like more and more places are dolling up plain burgers as a marketing ploy. Pancetta-onion fondue? Sure! Chocolate-covered bacon? WHY THE FUCK NOT? In the beginning, loading the hell out of burgers was awesome. It was cutting edge. It made me feel alive. But now, everyone's doing it for the sake of doing it (oh heyyy, that sounds like food blogging!). At some point, even my overwhelmingly Asian "VALUE" gene realizes something isn't right. Oyster House's burger is a prime example of this. An otherwise mindblastingly good burger tainted by the a fried oyster, the ocean's most lecherous shellfish, and a dollop of cheese it most certainly didn't need.

TL;DR - Oyster House, the way you named your burger is stupid as shit. It tastes pretty good though. It'd probably taste even better if you didn't put nonsense on top just because you can. Dear all burger places: Stop being idiots and putting toppings where they don't belong. The end.