Guilt, muffins, and my left knee

Those are my three big weaknesses, among others like undiagnosed add haha... but I digress. Let me rephrase that. Those are my three weaknesses when it comes to running and other physical related activities. You see, my left knee has been wonky for the past 3 or so weeks. I think it was the few days leading up to my 25 mile run where I suddenly upped my mileage from a morning 5k to 5 miles. Yeah it doesn't sound like much, but try running 35-40 miles in a week after doing 20 and you'll feel it too. Actually, this shouldn't just be about my knee... ever since I started working out religiously, I've always had some sort of ailment that kept me from doing things 100%. When I first started... well I was fat, enough said. Then over the summer I had this really weird pain on the outside of my foot, probably because I underpronate and was wearing basketball shoes to run. Then when I got back for rowing season, I had stomach viruses (from swallowing Harlem River water...), stomach flu, and eventually some asshat crushed my foot with a weight. Sweet. Now my knee is messed up. I just wish, for just one day, I can run, erg, bike, whatever... without anything stopping me but the physical limitations of my body (that includes having to go to the bathroom in the middle of a long run LOL).

Second weakness. Muffins. I don't know why, I love muffins. They don't even have to be good, because my friends all know that I'll gladly scarf down a half dozen muffins from a streetcart at the end of a day, that is to say... stale muffins. So I'm clearly not a baked goods snob. To me, they're the ultimate cheat without actually cheating (or so I tell myself). But yeah, muffins... I hate you and love you at the same time.

Which kind of leads me to the last point of guilt. I feel really guilty after a day of going to town on muffins, ice cream, and burgers ha. I know I can eat pretty much anything I want and not really gain weight because well... the next morning I somehow guilt myself into running a 10k, 15k, or god forbid a half marathon. I know I could probably stay in decent shape even if I didn't do that much, but of course, guilt makes me do crazy things. Some people might think that it's a good thing, or perhaps even call it 'dedication.' Not really. If you knew me, you'd realize that there's nothing I want more than to be free of this obsessive personality haha.

I had something important I wanted to write about, but in writing all that, I forgot what it was that I really wanted to say (too much stress lately). Anyway, another good run today, and yes, I ate a crapload of muffins yesterday... and ice cream too! Also I realized that I average just about 4 miles a day, with my average being much closer to a 10k as of late. So not only have I adjusted, and learned to run at a heavier weight, but I got in better shape too? Is that a semi-fail-win?

distance for the day: 6.21 miles
distance biked for the day: 2.03 miles

distance on the year: 122.32 miles
distance biked on the year: 120.87 miles